Six Little Mermaids and a Jellybean Clown
by AngelicDragonPuppy
Summary: When Eirika of Fire Emblem, Felix of Golden Sun, Riku of Kingdom Hearts, Edward Elric of Full Metal Alchemist, and Link of Zelda meet a mysterious clown and his magical jellybeans of doom, not to mention Emo the goldfish, things got a little crazy... XD


Grado

Eirika woke up knowing that something was wrong. For one thing, Lyon wasn't lying next to her, drooling over her beauty and waiting for her to cuddle him. And Leon wasn't in her room crying because he had gotten a boo-boo or was afraid of the monster under his bed; nor had Riane tramped in to complain about life in general.  
Something weird was going down...  
She dressed quickly, stuffed her Lyon plushie into her bra for good luck, and walked outside. No one was in sight, and it was a grey and misty morning-the two factors combined created an eerie feeling. There were no child protection workers swarming to arrest Moulder; there were no dead, supposedly Satan-possessed horses with crosses hanging around their necks, so Seth was missing, too. In fact. there were no signs of life whatsoever.  
Except for the clown.  
He was sitting at a little booth that said 'Free Jellybeans' on the front, grinning stupidly under all his red make-up.  
Eirika glared at him.  
The clown smiled.  
Eirika gave him the finger.  
The clown waved politely.  
Eirika stomped over.  
"Jellybean. NOW." She growled, holding out her hand. The clown handed her a blue jellybean, which she viscously devoured. And then she started to shrink. She made a suprised gurgling noise as her legs melted together and became covered in scales. "WHAT THE HELL-" The clown scooped her up, tossed her in a bucket, and vanished.

Weyard

Felix was in a dilemma. He was trying to warn Ivan that a large, angry-looking dragon was about to bite his head off, which sounded like an easy enough task. But you must remember, Felix was the main character of the second Golden Sun, and thus couldn't talk. Ever. He could nod and shake his head no, though... and he could use sign language!! He mimed what he thought translated to 'watch out, violent death behind you!!' to Ivan. Ivan tilted his head and frowned. "There... are sandwiches... in the... bathroom? Is that what you're trying to say-"  
CHOMP!!  
Felix shook his head regretfully and walked off to buy some water of life to revive his decapitated comrade. Unfortunately, however, all he saw at the marketplace was a clown with free jellybeans. Being a hero and all, Felix instantly sensed that this must be some type of uber-secret side quest which would yield a super-powerful weapon!! He rushed over and mimed receiving a jellybean. The clown smiled and handed him one, which Felix ate after thanking him with sign language. However, no sooner had he eaten the bean then he began to grow smaller and sprout fishy appendages. He signed 'holy chit' before being thrown in a bucket.

Destiny Isles

Numdenu cackled gleefully as she dragged a large cage along the sandy beach. Riku was inside, happily inhaling the sharpie marker that had been the bait.  
"Ah yes, the yaoi fangirls will pay me a fortune for you!!" Numdenu exclaimed, dollar signs flashing in her eyes. Riku giggled. "Bunnies!!" His phantom captor laughed sadistically. "No, my little, crazed friend-SORA will be what you want once their done with you!!" As the ghost had been looking backwards while she talked, she had not been watching what was in front of her, and thus floated forward into a jar of jellybeans. "Oooh... jellybeans! Here you go, fuckwit!" She exclaimed, grabbing one for herself and handing another to Riku, who stuck it up his nose. No sooner had she eaten hers-and Riku snorted it-then they began to transform. Soon all that was left were two tiny mermaids… well, Riku was a merman, I suppose, and Numdenu more a meroctopus… flopping about on the beach, one hiccuping and laughing drunkenly and the other swearing in Picori and Jenna-esque words. A clown, who had been watching from afar, darted out, seized them, and chucked them in a bucket...

Hyrule

"Never!! I shall never surrender to your vile ways, you freak!!" Edward Elric screamed at Link. "How can you let one of those... those... those mutated MONSTERS live in your house?! And it's a treehouse, for God's sake, how'd you get it in here?!" The cow that Ed was referring to mooed contentedly from the corner, and Link took a sip of Lon-Lon milk. Ed gagged. "That is sooo wrong!! Do you know what that came out of?!? That was secreted from a cow's BREASTS!!!"  
"If you'd just drink it, you wouldn't be so short!"  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" Ed's eyes were reduced to angry red slits.  
At that moment, a jellybean fell from the ceiling and whacked Link on the head.   
Another one followed suit a moment later, dropping onto Ed's head. Both boys picked theirs up and chewed them thoughtfully. "Mine's milk flavored!" Link said brightly. Ed screeched and was about to spit his at Link when they began to change. "NOOO!! NOOO!! I'm already short enough as it is, curse you, cruel world!!" Ed roared, pounding the ground angrily. "Cheer up, dude, at least now we're the same height-" Ed betch-slapped Link across the face with his webbed tail. And then a clown descended upon them, and everything went dark...

Bucket

"WHAT THE HELL?!?"  
"...?"  
"Highlighter!! MANSEX!!"  
"Interesting..."  
"So... sniff... short... sniff..."  
"I wear tights!!"  
A light flickered on, and the many mermaids were able to see one another, and Numdenu seized Riku so that he couldn't escape. Then an ominous, clownish, happy voice called out. "Hello, kids! Today we're going to play a game! Either you touch the magical rupee, allowing all of you to escape and return to your normal forms, or… EMO EATS YOU!! Have a nice day!!"  
A huge, depressed-looking goldfish appeared in the water, a little halo floating over his head. "HOLY MOTHER OF… OF… KRATOSIROTH!!" Eirika shrieked, grabbing Ed's foot as he lunged for a rupee that had just appeared in the water. She clung desperately to him. "I don't wanna die a virgin!!"  
"But you AREN'T a virgin!" Numdenu pointed out, clutching Riku tightly. Riku giggled. "VIRGIN!!" And groped Eirika's tail. Ed grabbed Link, who had just reached out for the gem, which had darted in his direction. "Oh no you don't, cowboy!!" Link shrieked and grabbed Felix, who looked bemused. Emo blew bubbles at the chain of idiots. All hope seemed lost, as the rupee spun away from the chain of shrunken merpeople… but then, Riku used his super-powered-sharpie-inhale technique, and the rupee soared dramatically into his nostril… and that's when Eirika woke up.  
"Uh… honey, are you alright? Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that moldy green fish… it might've been rotten!!" Lyon said, concerned.

Teh END!!!


End file.
